Yom Kippur
How do we move through the processes of atonement and forgiveness?
Reflection by Carrie Watkins, US Community Manager:
"Rambam’s (Maimonides) Laws of Teshuvah outline how to move through the processes of atonement and forgiveness in this high holidays season and all year. Rambam outlines how to atone for every kind of mis-step, each requiring rigorous effort that can span considerable lengths of time. A person who wrongs another must, for example, seek the forgiveness of the person she harmed up to three times, sometimes with witnesses, if the harmed party isn’t yet ready to forgive. The person who wrongs another must also do the work internally, resolving fully in his thoughts and hearts and actions to never act this way again. The work might also call for giving charity, leaving home for a while, or even changing your name.
Each of us has ways we missed the mark this year. Each of us longs to return to our full integrity. Rambam reminds us that it’s hard work, that it takes commitment and perseverance.
And yet, curiously, Rambam also says something else:
וְעַצְמוֹ שֶׁל יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר לַשָּׁבִים שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא טז ל) 'כִּי בַיּוֹם הַזֶּה יְכַפֵּר עֲלֵיכֶם' (הלכות תשובה א', ג')
The essence of Yom Kippur atones for those who repent as [Leviticus 16:30] states: 'This day will atone for you' (Hilkhot Teshuva 1:3).
Re-reading a passage in the Torah, Rambam says, Yom Kippur, the day itself, will atone for us.
So which is it? Do we need to repent for ourselves, or does the day do it for us? According to Rambam, it’s both.
This may seem contradictory or confusing until we try it on in our own embodied experiences. Is this not something we recognize already from our experiences with meditation? Sitting down on the cushion, again and again, coming back to our breath, again and again, is hard. It takes diligence and perseverance; it takes real, sustained, challenging effort. And yet, those moments we awake from our daydreaming and recognize we have gotten lost in thought, those moments are an act of grace. We didn’t cause them. We weren’t even aware we were lost in thought, until, in one moment, we become aware. Only then do we choose to return.
So too with Teshuva. The word Teshuva literally means 'returning.' Teshuva, like our meditation practices, requires both persistence and for the day ‘to atone for you.` We are not, ultimately, in control. We put in our best effort, and then, we let go and let the day do the rest.
May our prayers this Yom Kippur be answered. May our best efforts and the day itself help our hearts find healing. May we all be written in the book of Life."