Chayei Sarah
Do we agree to be fully present to what is?
Reflection by Or HaLev teacher Rabbah Dr. Mira Neshama Weil
"Parashat Chayei Sarah, literally `the lives of Sarah,` talks about love and death.
It opens on the death of Sarah and closes on the death of Avraham.
In the middle, we have two weddings: the union of Yitzhak and Rebecca, and the remarriage of Avraham.
One of the ways we express love in death, in the Jewish tradition, is through the way we care for the dead.
At the opening of our parsha, we read a detailed description of how Avraham Avinu purchases land to bury Sarah and then takes time to mourn her death.
This narrative is the emergence of a very precise ritual process of mourning in the Jewish tradition.
Burying our dead with full respect is so important that it is mentioned as one of the most important rules one is to live by, which Jews repeat traditionally each day upon awakening:
`Honoring father and mother, deeds of kindness, early attendance in the House of Study morning and evening, hospitality to guests, visiting the sick, rejoicing the bride, accompanying the dead.`
Caring for the dead is a sign of utter love; we have nothing to gain from it. The deceased will never reciprocate.
By caring for the dead, we express the purest kind of love: one that expects nothing in return.
Beyond the personal level, it speaks about our utter respect for human life, including beyond one’s life.
Since October 7th, people in Israel have attended more funerals in a month than they thought they would in a lifetime.
But they also have seen unprecedented numbers of weddings. Chupot are happening wherever possible, whenever possible, however possible, including in army bases and in full uniforms.
Spiritual practice is about holding the truths of life: death and grief, connection and love.
In mindfulness practice, we learn to be with what is and to give space to it. This way we give ourselves the opportunity to cry and to mourn, so that we can move forward in life.
This is what Avraham Avinu, who mourns his wife before he remarries, and then dies peacefully, teaches us. If we want to move forward, we have to give ourselves the space and time to go through the processes we need to go through.
We can rejoice because we can mourn.
When we go to a funeral, and to a wedding the next day, we accept to hold life by these two ends. We know that both belong, the grief and the joy, and we equally give them our full presence.
Agreeing to be fully present to what is, and to make space for the pain, is what will enable us to move forward and be resilient, as individuals, and as a People.
Le’chahim. To Life."