Bo
Can we meet ourselves exactly as we are right now?
Reflection by US Community Manager Carrie Watkins:
"I flew back to Israel a month ago, on the 67th day of the war, but, without thinking, I packed for early Fall weather. A couple days in, someone commented on the strawberries in the shuk. No way there are already strawberries in the shuk, I countered; it’s way too soon. It was minutes before I realized that it was mid December. It wasn’t October 7th. It wasn’t October 67th. It was winter, strawberry season.
Time, for many of us, seems to have stalled, or stopped, or something.
Our parsha has a name for this state: חיפזון. Chipazon. It’s a word, translated often as hurriedly or hastily, that appears twice in the Chumash, both in reference to the episode of leaving Egypt.
כָכָה תֹּאכְלוּ אֹתוֹ מתְנֵיכֶם חֲגֻרִים נַעֲלֵיכֶם בְּרַגְלֵיכֶם וּמַקֶּלְכֶם בְּיֶדְכֶם וַאֲכַלְתֶּם אֹתוֹ בְּחִפָּזוֹן פֶּסַח הוּא לַיהֹוָה. (שמות י״ב:י״א)’
This is how you shall eat it: your loins girded, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and you shall eat it hurriedly: it is a passover offering to Hashem'
לֹא תֹאכַל עָלָיו חָמֵץ שִׁבְעַת יָמִים תֹּאכַל עָלָיו מַצּוֹת לֶחֶם עֹנִי כִּי בְחִפָּזוֹן יָצָאתָ מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם לְמַעַן תִּזְכֹּר אֶת יוֹם צֵאתְךָ מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם כֹּל יְמֵי חַיֶּיךָ (דברים ט״ז:ג)
For seven days thereafter you shall eat unleavened bread, bread of distress—for you departed from the land of Egypt hurriedly—so that you may remember the day of your departure from the land of Egypt as long as you live'.
This word chipazon is spoken about in the context of distress, readiness to flee, and a lack of capacity to remember in the moment.
I attended a lecture by Dr Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg a few years ago in which she brought two beautiful teachings by the great Hasidic Master the Sfat Emet on the subject of chipazon.
הענין הוא דאז הי' בחפזון וכמ"ש בפסוק כשהגיד מרע"ה לישראל אלה הלשונות לא שמעו’
אל משה מקוצר רוח. ולכן צריכין עתה לספר ביצ"מ' (לפסח תרמ"ד)
`In chipazon, as it says in the verse, Moshe spoke to the Children of Israel, but they weren’t able to hear him because of kotzer ruach (crushed/shortness of spirit/wind). Therefore, we need now [every year at the Passover seder] to tell the story of Leaving Egypt.`
When we are in a state of chipazon, we aren’t capable of sensemaking, of storytelling.
But sensemaking and storytelling is essential. It’s how we move from trauma to integration. It’s how we move from chipazon to freedom. Our Jewish tradition knows this, and it is for this reason that we tell the story of our redemption from slavery in Egypt every year.
Where does that leave us when we are still in a state of chipazon?
The Sfat Emet speaks of chipazon in another of his teachings, in which he shares that even in a state of chipazon,
עכ"ז נשאר בוודאי בהם קצת רושם מדיבורים אלו אשר אחר הגאולה נתברר להם למפרע כל הדיבורים (וארא תרל"ט)`
an imprint of understanding stays with us that will become clear to us after the redemption.`
Our role is to trust in the breaking and the unfolding, to stay with the uncertainty, to meet ourselves exactly as we are right now, in all its messiness. There will be a time for remembering and sensemaking and storytelling. Everything we will need to do that eventual sensemaking has been staying with us, and it will become clear to us after redemption. Our bodies and our tradition know what to do."