Behaalotecha
Responding wisely to the inner judge
Reflection by OHL teacher Mira Neshama Weil:
"I like to compare mindfulness practice to a bird with two wings: presence, and compassion; While mindfulness is often described as a presence moment to moment, without compassion, the attention we bring to our experience wouldn’t be transformative.
In parashat Behaalotekha, we have a moving example of this:
Miriam and Aaron, Moshe’s two siblings, find themselves speaking badly about Moshe’s black wife, and contesting Moshe’s special relation with God.
This in and of itself is something that touches me:
By showing us this less than pretty side of Miriam and Aaron, our first prophetess and our first Kohen, the Torah teaches something deep about ourselves: it reminds us what it is like to be human.
There are times where we simply aren’t the best of ourselves.
There are times where we cannot help but expressing the smaller part of us - the part that envies, criticizes, judges, ourselves and others, or the part that indulges in gossip or disrespect.
In mindfulness practice, this part is what we call the inner judge, and we know that this one shows up more often than not.
And the whole point of mindfulness practice is to become aware when this voice is active, and to respond wisely.
There are two ways of doing this usually.
The first is recognizing what is happening, and admitting our mistakes-to ourselves and others. This is what Aaron does when he says to Moshe, realizing what he did `Please, master, do not put sin upon us for acting foolishly and for sinning.` (badmidbar 12.11 )
בִּ֣י אֲדֹנִ֔י אַל־נָ֨א תָשֵׁ֤ת עָלֵ֨ינוּ֙ חַטָּ֔את אֲשֶׁ֥ר נוֹאַ֖לְנוּ וַֽאֲשֶׁ֥ר חָטָֽאנוּ
The second type of wise response is simply showing compassion- to ourselves and others. This is what Moshe does when he prays to God this famous prayer:
`I beseech you, God, please heal her.` (badmidbar 12.13)
אֵ֕ל נָ֛א רְפָ֥א נָ֖א לָֽהּ:
Would we be able and willing to pray for the healing of someone - including ourselves, who just treated us poorly?
This week may we be blessed to consciously connect to compassionate response, to ourselves and others, in the small and big things. Then our bird becomes whole and can fly free."
Shabbat Shalom from Or HaLev