Acharei Mot
Can we approach the unforgiving places in us with more softness?
Reflection by Carrie Watkins, OHL Community Manager
"Parshat Acharei Mot launches us right into a description of the complex rituals the High Priest Aaron was to perform in the Mishkan, the Desert Tabernacle, each Yom Kippur. It can feel strange to be diving into the minutiae of Yom Kippur half a year away still from the actual holiday, like hearing Hanukkah songs in the middle of Summer. Yet here we are, presented with an opportunity to reflect on the nature of forgiveness.
Although of course reflecting on forgiveness now is not at all like singing `Rock of Ages` in July. Our tradition offers us opportunities to ask for forgiveness and forgive throughout our liturgy every day. One poignant example is in the prayers before the Bedtime Shema. Many people recite the Shema as the last thing they say before sleep, and tucked into the siddur is an introductory prayers that says, `I hereby forgive anyone who has angered me, or sinned against me, either physically or financially, against my honor or anything that is mine, whether accidentally or intentionally, inadvertently or deliberately, by speech or by deed, by thought or by speculation, in this incarnation or in any other . . . may no one be punished on my account.`
There might be a particular wisdom to offering this prayer for forgiveness before bed. As Deb Dana, a leading writer and practitioner of Polyvagal Theory writes in her new book Anchored, `When we remain unforgiving, our autonomic nervous system holds on to the experience with an activated sympathetic survival state. Remembering brings the experience alive . . . offering and receiving forgiveness are both tied to a regulated nervous system.` Turning towards the unforgiving places in us as we’re getting to bed - when we are safe, cozy, and sleepy - might be a way to approach those places with more softness. And on the other side, letting go of the pieces of our day that bring us tightness and activation might allow us more restful sleep.
Of course, forgiveness is not automatic, or something that can be accomplished by sheer will. It is a slow practice, something that perhaps we can allow in each night as we go to bed. Rav James teaches a helpful addendum to this prayer, `to the extent that I am able, I forgive you.`”
Shabbat Shalom from Or HaLev